Shift+Del

Są w moim komputerze pewne foldersy, do których zaglądam tylko po to, by nie dostać kolejnego opierdolsu od mojego Chomika za usunięcie jakichś ekstra ważnych danych. Mój numer popisowy to usuwanie sejwów do gier. No nic na to nie poradzę, że psy takie niepozorne, no… Za usunięcie sejwów do Limbo musiałam tydzień krzyżem leżeć. Odwróconym. Stygmatami do zimnej podłogi. Toteż nauczona doświadczeniem przypominanym mi przez wzorki paneli odbite na moim licu, tym razem Shift+Del poprzedzony został upewnieniem się. Bo: „Upewnij się najpierw, kurwa”, jak mawiają chomiki. 

I tak oto znalazłam TO! A to, to po prostu wypracowanie przeze mnie popełnione na studiach. Na zajęcia z języków obcych. Miałam najlepszą ticzer ever. Krejzi psajko, miss Dżołana. Postanawiam zatem właśnie, że przed Shift+Del podzielę się nim. Bo lubię je. Bo miss Dżołanę lubiłam.

Bo napisać najpierw chciałam o moim poczuciu bycia bezużyteczną, ale za bardzo się nie wyspałam tej nocy. Za bardzo ta noc creepy była. Za bardzo myślałam znowu. Więc myśli te postanowiłam dziś Shift+Del, by grunt pod nogami odzyskać. Podłogę z paneli poczuć pod stopami.

Temat mojego story brzmiał tak: 

„Women are from Venus and men from Mars – so how and when do we meet?”

Intergalactic gravity of heavenly bodies i.e. about the miracles of cosmic gravitation

INTRODUCTION

To him:

Why must I tell her at least seventeen times she looks wonderful in this something on her head what she’s called a hat?

Why when she tells me she’ll be ready in10 minutes I know I can sit at leisure in front of TV, turn on a chess tournament and even manage to find out who wins the competition?

Why is it so important that her shoes are green peasy, NOT green!

Why does this shopping last so long?

When does this shopping end?

Why are there so many shops here?!

WHERE IS THE EXIT???!!!

To her:

Why does he never guess at telling me something nice, for example about how I look in my new hat?

How does it happen he can spend in front of TV half a day watching some boring sport competitions?

Why doesn’t he distinguish green peasy from green?

Why does he wrinkle when I tell him that we are going shopping today?

Why does he turn red after the first hour?

Why does he bite his nails after the second hour?

Why does he knock his head in the walls after the third hour? It’s just a beginning…

 

PART ONE – Not alone in the space

If you have ever considered what at least four of these questions mean for you it means it’s high time to make you aware of the fact you belong to the race which dwells one of the mental planets – Venus or Mars and a target of your meditations is so-called U.F.O. – Unidentified Fabulous Object. Of course it’s impossible to make a mistake in membership of the race because they differ from each other as much as many light years you will need to cover a distance differentiating those planets. These differences are evident on almost every surface from appearance, the most frequent topic that is taken up, through the amount of distinguished colours, to the way of reaction to the word “shopping”. Venusians are said to be a more emotional, irrational and unpredictable race. Word-flood is a characteristic feature; they can talk hours and hours about such sophisticated things like: nail polishes, a new friend’s hair style and the last purchase of your neighbour. They believe that two plus two equals five when they start to cry and give you a row. Martians are rather less emotional and more rational. Their main attribute is physical strength which they try to show at every step. They rather don’t sin in finesse when they try to describe their thoughts or feelings. In the kitchen they are like a bull in a china shop.

These aren’t even distinct planets – these are distinct galaxies!!!

PART TWO – So how and when do we meet???!!!

How and when? It’s very simple… WE DO NOT LIVE IN SEPARATE WORLDS. It’s a myth, simplified patterns which were created to make our orientation in reality easier. Stereotypes like this save our time on thinking. “She’s so irrational – a typical woman” or “He’s always imitating a macho – a typical man” – this typicality exists only in our minds. Do you want to know what is the most clever saying regarding differentiating people in a variety of categories? I’ll tell you: “People are divided into two categories: those who divide people into two categories and those who don’t do this”.

But if we really live in one world, why is it sometimes so hard to understand each other and reach an agreement? In fact there are many differences between us but first and foremost, they don’t only concern gender. However, what regards gender and everything what it brings – try to look at it in this way: we live in one planet but this planet has two different poles. Everybody knows that poles’ nature is attraction...

Napiszę też, co Dżołana mi odpisała za pomocą poczty jemejl. Bo to takie miłe było. A dziś miłego potrzebuję jak psa. Bo w nocy źle spałam.

That is one of the funniest students’ stories I have received lately. Thank you for making my teacher’s chores more interesting. If you like writing (as it seems) and you’d like to write something else in English (on the topic of your choice), please do, and I will read and correct it. I think your English may benefit from it.

Troszkę mi się milej zrobiło. Zapewne nie na długo.